It was just a year and a half ago that I discovered GMSMA. Before I had come to GMSMA, my experience in S/M had been limited to several months of encounters at the Mineshaft. I had been amazed to learn (only because out-of-town guests wanted to see it) that there even was such a place, where men wanted to play in a way which, although it was new to me, seemed to be just what I had been seeking for years. I was thrilled by the playfulness of the men I met there and the raw sexuality of the surroundings. I had been in backrooms before, but that could not compare to the excitement and the satisfaction I was now finding. Gradually, at the not-so-tender age of thirty-one, I had begun to learn that domination and submission, and even physical pain itself, were vehicles for pleasure.

It was at the Mineshaft that I first came across some of GMSMA's literature during the summer of 1984. However, I did not actually attend a meeting until the following November. I wasn't in any hurry to attend some organization's sit-in-folding-chairs meeting, even if the organization did consist of men who were into S/M. After all, I thought, why should I spend a couple of hours talking about it rather than doing it? Eventually, though, prompted by curiosity, I went to a meeting. It would be a good way, I thought, to meet more S/M men; and the more I met, the better my chances for scenes with variety and intensity. In addition, though, I wanted just to talk with S/M men. I wanted to learn more about the Scene and whether I would be comfortable in it. I wanted to hear more about certain scenes before getting into them, and to learn more about certain toys before using them.

Discovering S/M had been like escaping the Earth's gravitational pull; GMSMA was like landing on a new planet. It's hard to remember, a year later, what it was like that first time when I entered the room and did not know a single one of those many sexually vibrant and powerful men. I am sure that even at the first meeting I realized that GMSMA would indeed provide what I sought: both the opportunity to meet companions for intimate journeys and the opportunity to learn about S/M in a more casual and theoretical way. There was no hesitation or question about coming back for future meetings. I went home and marked in my calendar the second and fourth Wednesdays for the upcoming months. However, I was not aware then of the broad range of benefits GMSMA would provide.

Over the following months, I became more acquainted with the organization as such and learned the most important lesson about meeting people and getting to know them. At first, I met a few people casually after the meetings, in the same way that one meets in a bar. Fortunately, however, at about that time the Bondage Fashion Show was being planned. I volunteered to participate and ever since have thanked myself for doing so. Even more important than the opportunity to be bound in public was the chance I had to meet other GMSMA members in the process of an activity. We were doing something productive and having lots of fun doing it. I had time to remember a few names (not always easy for me) and to find out some of the nitty-gritty demographics of the group (who does what, who lives with whom, who is who's slave), which helps in understanding what is going on and why.

This experience was an important step in developing myself in one of GMSMA's most gratifying aspects: companionship. For the first time, I can share my S/M experiences, fantasies, and questions with men whose company I enjoy. In GMSMA my involvement in S/M is accepted and respected--no small thing in a world which does not value and does not even understand what we want. There is great comfort in talking to other men like myself, whether they are lawyers, salesmen, bartenders, educators, or craftsmen.

In terms of expanding my S/M experience, the Bondage Fashion Show was extremely helpful because it provided the opportunity for me to try bondage for the first time in a supportive, safe and undemanding environment. No surprise, then, that the experience was a positive one (a little tighter around the left ankle, please). This reflected another important aspect of GMSMA: a sense of security and trust. The men I meet at GMSMA are men I have gotten to know. They are personal acquaintances and friends of friends. I know that because they belong to GMSMA they agree with me about the importance of consensuality and safety. Their involvement indicates that they are interested in improving their technique and in keeping informed on health issues.

Since the time of that event, my involvement with GMSMA has continued to be an expanding source of pleasure. Participating in special events continues to be an important way for me to meet new people and interact with old buddies. The regular bimonthly meetings are often a chance to learn something new, as well as keep in touch with the gang. Writing for NewsLink offers a new way both to contribute to the organization and to indulge my ego.

I can also look back on a year of growth in S/M itself. I've expanded some limits and defined others. I know more about my preferences in a scene and about when my preferences should be set aside. I feel more competent in the use of certain techniques. Some of my development results directly from GMSMA (through meetings, demos, and other programs) and much of it indirectly (through the GMSMA men I've met).

My relationship to the Scene and to GMSMA has changed over the past year, and during that time GMSMA itself has changed structurally. However, one very important thing about GMSMA remains constant for me now, just as it did a year ago: It's a hell of a lot of fun.

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