Fantasy is the difference between the actual and the story the mind imposes over the action. It is the willing suspension of disbelief which allows the limits of everyday life to be set aside, enabling us to explore beyond the restrictions of reality. A fantasy and a scene may occur simultaneously, but do not have to coexist. Sometimes conscious, sometimes not, it is the use of images and thoughts to transform reality into a counter reality.

When you use fantasy as part of your scene, you open up a whole new range of options. Suddenly, the same physical action represents a variety of alternative mind sets.

Picture a man tied to a stout pole. The whipping begins. Is he a slave brutally punished on a plantation, a tortured prisoner on a brig, or a servant giving himself for the pleasure of his Master? Each scenario contains the same physical action but with completely different energy. The difference is the fantasy.

Fantasy can be quite limited, such as reminiscing about a past play partner while jacking off. It can be quite complicated, with a Cecile B. DeMille style set and costuming. Usually it will run somewhere in between. With selective use of equipment and communication, you can change the entire mood within the parameters of the same physical scene. From wearing a cop shirt (it may be real, but are you?) to using threats of real violence (you wouldn't really cut it off, would you?) we all touch on levels of fantasy almost every time we play.

Reality is separated from fantasy play in a very distinct way. If you or your partner are not in relative agreement that you are going to cross the line into a trip, then it is not fantasy play.

For instance, if you fantasize about fucking in the park with your partner, fine, but actually doing it in the park is reality. The danger is real. The people are real. The actions are real. If a player is not aware that the danger/people/actions are not real, then it is reality to him. Having the trust in your partner to get the mind so close to reality without actually getting there can be part of the challenge.

Fantasy has certain advantages when used constructively. Mostly, it is used because it can lead to excitement. It can open doors to a lot of experiences that you may desire, but can not actually do.

Not everyone has access to a barn and horse, but a borrowed saddle or a bale of hay can help you experience it. If you can't get that fireman you saw on Eighth Avenue, perhaps your buddy in his rubber boots will do the trick. Each time you explore with fantasy, you can go to a different place and time, and with a different character or person.

It allows you to travel without really leaving your playspace.

A second major advantage of fantasy is that it lets you explore beyond realistic limits. Not only can you be with a new character or in a new place, you can do things that a reality check prevents you from doing during your daily life. As long as a rubber is ALWAYS used, the threats or the desires of not using one can flow freely in hot talk. If a prison rape turns you on, the reality may be a bit too much, but the controlled circumstances of a fantasy can create the force, atmosphere, and perhaps a bit of the fear, without the risk.

Threats of real harm, such as with knives or weed whackers, can bring you to head spaces far beyond an ordinary scene. Other than safety issues, limits can be forgotten in a fantasy world. A cold rod can become a branding iron, or a credit card can be used like a razor. The point is that there are things you may not want to do in reality, but as long as you don't actually do them during your fantasy, you can certainly pretend you are. You can use these fantasies to confront fears, because when you set the parameters of the scene, you know you will win.

The hardest part of playing with fantasies is identifying them to you and your partner. As many scenes may contain the same action, there is a defining element shared among them.

The Defining Element is the core mental state one is looking for when one is playing. You may not even realize what it is at times; when it is there, you can really get off; when it is missing you will feel like the scene simply did not "click." The Defining Element may actually be different between the partners during a fantasy scene. In the whipping example, different fantasies may be going on with each partner, and as long as one partner does not say or do something that destroys the scene for the other, both will enjoy the scene.

Only you can find your own dynamic Defining Elements. What elements are a constant in different scenes that you enjoy? What pushes those little buttons in your head? What are you thinking about when you come? Often, the signals, whether a bandanna or other clothing, are only half the story, because they are usually representing activities predefined by the community. Don't fear expressing these things to yourself.

As far as expressing them to your partner, well, that depends on how much information he will need to carry you through the fantasy. Don't expect a major motion picture when all you say is "I want to be tied up," and don't expect a fifteen minute arrest scene after describing interrogation in a footnoted paper.

The Defining Element may be one or more of several things. First, it can be a specific person, such as my partner. If he were the defining element, then in theory he could do anything he wanted to me and it would push those little buttons in my head. The person may also be a character, such a cowboy, army sergeant, or someone in period costuming. How far the image needs to go depends on how instrumental the image is to your fantasy. Is a nightstick good enough for a cop, or do you need a complete CHIPs uniform on a Harley? The next type of Defining Element is a place. On a ship, in a dungeon, in a locker room or on the kitchen table. If this is the defining element, then it does not really matter what you do to me as long as it is in the barn, locker room or kitchen. And like the uniform of a cop, does it require a complete barn or simply a bale of hay upon which to tie me?

An activity is the third type of Defining Element. This is the DE most people can relate to, such as a whip, electric shock, isolation. It also may be an emotion, such as needing to be held, beaten, or trained. By theory, if your DE is an activity, it doesn't really matter who does it, as long as the action occurs.

Of course we all know that simply having a single DE does not a fantasy make. What really turns us on is a combination of different stimuli. But by simply figuring out what the most essential parts are, you can improve the chances that a great fantasy will occur.

But you have to be realistic in your goals with fantasy. Not only does your partner have to either share the fantasy or the DE, but it must be physically or mentally possible to achieve. It is like theater, in that if you define what it takes to set up your fantasy, you can fill in all the little details in your head. The simpler the fantasy situation, the easier to achieve. But then again, nothing easy is really worth having.

It is also important to remember the differences between people's fantasies. Those little things flying around in your head may not be shared by your partner. This is not necessarily bad, just remember that if you tread heavily on their scene, or conversely discover they are not directly sharing in your scene, you may be in for a fall. Be inclusive of your partner's DE as well as your own. The best way to blow a fantasy is to remind your partner or yourself that there is a difference between what is actually happening and what you want to be happening. Comments like "too bad you don't have a real pair of bikers boots" or a queeny voice coming from a DI, may bring the reality a bit too close.

When you seek to establish a fantasy space with your partner, it is important to remember your key DEs. What is it that brings you together? Once that is determined, use it as a base upon which you build the fantasy. By matching action, place, and persona to the DE it is easy to complete an entire atmosphere. To accomplish this, take control of the play environment. Analyze the fantasy sensually. Use the manipulation of the senses to augment the fantasy experience.

Click the GMSMA logo button to return to the NewsLink 15th Anniversary Page.